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Scotch, Bowling & the Water Bottle

Game on, Game over

It was noon on the mountain, and I was in the lodge. Your average Cincinnati sports fan watching the rare occurance of being both ranked high and having a realistic chance to actually beat a highly revered and talented sports team. That's right, XU and Duke were ranked 7 and 6, respectively. At least, until about 5 minutes into the game when Duke instantly had put up a solid 20 point lead that would prove to be insurmountable by the Musketeers. So this is why I only skiied Beavercreek's powder trees in the morning hours today? Geesh...

Afternoon with the Wii

The end of daylight hours led us to our winter getaway in the mountains, a buddy's (and his wife's) condo in Eagle Vail. Drinks were raised & Wii was played. Bowling seemed to provide the most entertainment, and my curveball approach proved to be unstoppable in competetition with my peers. Oh the world of video games. Win or lose, it was a grand ole time with fresh Budwesier, aged Scotch & plenty of bromance, minor jabs, and heckling laughs. Who would want that kind of fun to end?

Reality set in. We had to leave, but the news revealed that Vail Pass was in bad shape and the drive would prove to be risky. After unintentionally (or perhaps intentionally on a subconscious level) leaving my mobile device behind, and forcing a return trip with five minutes of leaving, I was already unpopular on the trip home. But alas, we embarked again upon our westbound I-70 trip back home.

The road conditions were very bad. Clouds of dry Colorado snow were flashing across the road as semi trucks hogged up the right hand lanes. Hazard lights were blinking everywhere. I have no recollection who was on the iPod at the time, because everyone was white-knuckled. The question was, who was more white knuckled? The driver or me, clenching my fists in the front seat when I realized I had a bladder that was about to burst like Mount St. Helen.

The Waterbottle

As we reached the top of Vail Pass, the grunting had begun. I was on the verge of flipping out. I've never had to "go" this bad. And, I went at least 3 times back in Eagle Vail anyways. Seriously, how much did I have in me?

Okay, I seriously couldn't take this any longer. The captain of our ship had nowhere to pull over, so I wasn't getting out of the car. Something had to be done. Looked like the Kleen Kanteen was about to provide another use. Who knew such a petty purchase would pay off in so many ways?

While frantically ripping the top of the waterbottle off, I unzipped my pants, positioned myself & went to town. An odd perk of this experience was that my metal waterbottle was able to transmit the heat of it's newly arrived contents, and warm up my hands a bit. That felt good. It all felt good, right now, at this moment, which was about a minute and thirty seconds.

Wow. Just wow.

Round 2

What!? How could this possibly be happening again? Not more than 30 minutes later, my bladder was on fire again. AGAIN! What the $%&^!!

I could not believe this. I just experienced some of the worst pain in my life, and now it was happening all over again. If this is what childbirth is like, then I never want to be a woman.

While clenching my fists, and cursing under my breath, I broke the bad news to the captain of our ship, as well as our Asian associate in the back seat. Here it comes boys: Round 2. Luckily we had made it through the Eisenhower Tunnel, and the road conditions had improved. However, we were in a gap of highway with not many exits, and certainly no bathrooms. Round 2 would require some controlled breathing and a quick decision to be made. Do I have enough room, in my half-filled water bottle, to give it a second fill-up? Or, will this require an trip outside the car? Within 5 minutes, I was standing on the side of the road where the huskies go, giving a "woo woo" as I experienced one of the greatest sensations of my life. Finally...it was over. I was done, and I was alive.

Arriving home

The rest of the drive home was daze. I was passed out for the last leg of it, and was one exhausted puppy. A 15 minute drive home, and I was out of my misery for the night. What lesson did I learn? Watch how much scotch you drink when you bowl. There's a reason they call it an "old man's drink."